The most depressing thing about brain cancer is reading about brain cancer, which I just made the mistake of doing despite knowing it was a bad idea, and which you are now doing despite me having previously warned you not to do it both in my first blog post and, more recently (although implicitly), in this very sentence.
Among the soul-crushing websites I came across this afternoon was “The Super Inspirational Blog Written By a Glioblastoma Survivor!” that turns out to not be all that inspirational when you realize that…
… wait for it …
it isn’t being updated anymore.
And there isn’t really any kind of ending.
“Eh, just another lazy blogger who lost interest and went out for a ride on his fixie,” you tell yourself unconvincingly before banging your head on the desk to remind yourself to stop reading “Inspirational Websites About Brain Cancer Survivors Who Totally Died of Brain Cancer!”
So now that I’ve depressed you, I’m depressed, which is depressing, but which also conveniently proves my point that the most depressing thing about brain cancer is reading about brain cancer.
What a nifty trick!
I guess the point of all of this is that brain cancer turns out to be exactly as much like brain cancer as you’d expect it to be. Which is to say, not very awesome.
But then again, neither is getting hit by a bus. You could be hit by a bus tomorrow (watch out!). I could have been hit by a bus 7 years ago. But since neither one of those things probably will or did happen, why would we sit around reading or writing about it?
Clearly, the most depressing thing about brain cancer is letting yourself get depressed about brain cancer.
(For now at least.)
** Editor’s note: If I do get hit by a bus 47 years from now, somebody please keep posting on this blog so it seems like I’m alive in case some guy with brain cancer comes along wondering what happened to me and gets depressed because he thinks I died of brain cancer.
** Editor’s note to that guy: Buddy, what the hell do you have to be depressed about? It’s 2059 and you can probably get outpatient brain cancer removal at Carl’s Jr. I had to rip this thing out with my bare hands.