The original purpose of this blog was to keep everybody up to date and informed about my surgeries and treatments (voodoo and otherwise), but I’m afraid the length-density of my posts and all the crappy jokes have tended to bury the pertinent information. Sorry about that.
So here, for clarification purposes, is what is happening right now, and what will continue (hopefully) to happen. With bullets and boldface type!
- I take 4 chemo pills 5 days out of each month to (hopefully) arrest the growth of whatever cancer is still in my brain. The chemo is called Temodar. It doesn’t make me barf. (Except that one time last week when due to some remarkable coincidence I got food poisoning the day before I started my chemo. Then it makes me barf. Real bad. Even worse than the food poisoning did. Thanks Hamburger Hamlet XP!)
- So it’s like I’m on the pill. Except instead of birth control pills, I’m taking pills designed to prevent the undoing of my own birth. Is it working? Only chance knows. (Most likely and terrifying scenario is it’ll work for awhile, until it doesn’t anymore. Then we either find something new that works, or the chance wins.)
- The chemo also can make me a bit tired and/or spaced out. But really, it’s not the worst thing in the world to have a crappy week once a month. Hence me calling it “my period.” (While I like this joke, I actually feel like it’s insulting to women who go through much worse than I do every month. God bless you ladies, I feel for you.)
- In addition to the chemo, I get a couple of shots in my armpit every month or two. This is the clinical trial vaccine (I posted a video about it that gets into more detail). This thing is really exciting. It’s state of the art anti-chance medicine. But…
- I may or may not be getting a placebo instead of the real vaccine. Thems the breaks.
- I get an MRI every two months to see if the cancer is spreading or staying put. Spreading = bad. Staying put = good. My next MRI is December 4th. There will be one every 2 months after that. Which means every 60 days. Which means every 8 weeks. (If I’ve asked you not to keep asking me when my next MRI is, I’m sorry– it’s just one thing that I try really really really hard not to be thinking and worrying about every single moment of every single day. It’s like a weird trial date, when what is on trial is whether you get to keep living or not. Best not to worry about it since the outcome is not really under your control.)
- Speaking of living though, I’m doing it and it’s going great! Working again, enjoying my days, and trying not to just have cancer on the brain 24 hours a day. (Which can be exceedingly difficult though, seeing as I literally have actual cancer on my actual brain.)
- But hopefully not for long!
On that final note, this is how weird my life has become: the best news I heard last week was that a guy died of heart failure.
How could that possibly be good news?
I’ll tell you! You see, said guy was diagnosed with brain cancer some time back in the early 1980s. Which no matter how you bend it, was at least 30 years ago. 30 years ago!? He died of heart failure at 70 something years old?! Hooray!
Dying of heart failure sounds like pretty much the best thing in the world to me right now. I’m totally goddamn sure that my heart will last at least another 30 years, so if that’s what takes me out I will be a happy, happy man.
Gotta run, I’m going to the flower district. This time I’ll keep my phone in my pants pocket.