When will this feeling stop? I’m so tired of it. I feel like I’m living inside a bubble, where the full clarity of my mind and unfiltered connection with the world around me exists outside of that bubble. And I am inside, observing. But not always fully connecting.
I can still appreciate things beyond the bubble, beyond the fog of imposed sickness, but I can’t grab them as easily or as readily as I could before.
Something is just different. And I’m so tired of it. Exhausted by it. It’s been too long. When is it going to go away? When is it going to stop?
Maybe it never will.
Accepting that is like accepting that the itchy sweater or ill-fitting shoes that you just put on and really want to take off are now a permanent part of your body, an unremovable part of your existence. And that’s a hard thing to accept.
Maybe you shouldn’t accept it. Even if it’s true.
Maybe you should just think about something else.
The most important thing– the utterly crucial imperative– is not to lose yourself into an anxious hysteria of “oh my god I’ve gotta get this thing off I can’t get this thing off!” and instead to breathe calmly, consider rationally that you can still smell roses and that they still smell good and that your dinner last night was pretty fucking delicious and that when you were jogging yesterday you felt really good and totally forgot about the itchy sweater foggy bubble imposed sickness that we were just talking about that two minutes ago sounded so scary and important and suddenly no longer does.
Because feel this Tuscan breeze. It’s lovely. It’s filled with grace. And that grace isn’t coming from anywhere else but inside of you, because it wouldn’t exist without you feeling it.
And there are many more breezes like this to come. You know that. Many, many more beautiful moments await you. You’d better be there to greet them.
And so, do not get lost in the woods of fear. Choose not to let the pain hold sway over you.
Instead stop, point yourself in the direction of hope, in the direction of where you’d love to be and how you’d love to feel, and then do the work it takes to make that real.
Because that’s exactly when this feeling will stop.