It’s quite a different thing to look at your day (or your life) as something to get through, like a tedious play or movie that’s got you shifting in your seat and looking toward the exits.
Because really, if you’re just waiting for it to be over, then why’d you buy the ticket? Aren’t we here to enjoy the show? Isn’t that why we drove all the way over here and got a sitter? To enjoy the show?
The answer, of course, is yes. But the answer is also that the show has to be good; or at least good enough to keep us from fidgeting and looking at our watch and wondering when it’s going to be over so we can get back in the car and go…
So here we are, at the show, and we’re hoping that it’s good. And sometimes, it is good. Sometimes, for brief flashes, it’s really good. Transcendent. We feel like we’re being lifted out of our seat, weightless, it’s so goddamn beautiful what we’re watching unfold before us– right there in front of us, in ways we can touch and smell and hear and feel! It makes us float!
And hopefully– ideally– we keep on floating through those inevitable parts that aren’t so great; that are boring, or painful; ill-conceived and unbearable; sometimes so unpleasant that it sinks us back down in our seat and makes our ass hurt, and has us glancing again toward the exit.
I never like this feeling, of looking at my day (or my life) as something to get through. Nonetheless, I find myself all to often inhabited by that itchy perspective in this, my (Cancerful) Life.
I guess I just want to enjoy the show.
I mean I’m here; I bought the ticket and got the sitter and drove all the way down here and everybody’s been saying it’s so great (well, some people have been saying it’s great– other people had mixed reviews) but this part is kind of boring and why am I having such a hard time paying attention, I normally love this kind of show… what time is it, do you think it’s going to be pain in the ass getting out of here? Oh god I hope there’s no traffic, did I forget to–
SHHH! Look! Look at that– I think there’s another good part coming up! Shhh, I don’t want to miss it…