Getting Through

It’s quite a different thing to look at your day (or your life) as something to get through, like a tedious play or movie that’s got you shifting in your seat and looking toward the exits.

Because really, if you’re just waiting for it to be over, then why’d you buy the ticket?  Aren’t we here to enjoy the show?  Isn’t that why we drove all the way over here and got a sitter?  To enjoy the show?

The answer, of course, is yes.  But the answer is also that the show has to be good; or at least good enough to keep us from fidgeting and looking at our watch and wondering when it’s going to be over so we can get back in the car and go…


So here we are, at the show, and we’re hoping that it’s good.  And sometimes, it is good.  Sometimes, for brief flashes, it’s really good.  Transcendent.  We feel like we’re being lifted out of our seat, weightless, it’s so goddamn beautiful what we’re watching unfold before us– right there in front of us, in ways we can touch and smell and hear and feel!   It makes us float!

And hopefully– ideally– we keep on floating through those inevitable parts that aren’t so great; that are boring, or painful; ill-conceived and unbearable; sometimes so unpleasant that it sinks us back down in our seat and makes our ass hurt, and has us glancing again toward the exit.

I never like this feeling, of looking at my day (or my life) as something to get through.  Nonetheless, I find myself all to often inhabited by that itchy perspective in this, my (Cancerful) Life.

I guess I just want to enjoy the show.

I mean I’m here; I bought the ticket and got the sitter and drove all the way down here and everybody’s been saying it’s so great (well, some people have been saying it’s great– other people had mixed reviews) but this part is kind of boring and why am I having such a hard time paying attention, I normally love this kind of show… what time is it, do you think it’s going to be pain in the ass getting out of here?  Oh god I hope there’s no traffic, did I forget to–

SHHH!  Look!  Look at that– I think there’s another good part coming up!  Shhh, I don’t want to miss it…


15 thoughts on “Getting Through

  1. You always express things so well. And we GET it!! That’s an amazing gift you have and you say everything with honesty, wit, and courage. I like reading your stuff! And I want to thank you for it because I believe you are speaking for my son right now who is also a warrior in this battle with GBM, and he doesn’t speak as much anymore. (He is an attorney so he was VERY much a talented speaker before he got sick!).
    Anyways, from one mom to another mom’s son… I love your writing and I’m sending love and prayers to you! Mom hugs come with that… ☮✝❤
    Peg Selander
    White Bear Lake, Minnesota

  2. Hope the next good part is under way for you. My ex-husband/former co-worker/current friend is starting a not-so-good part with some progression of his GBM having shown up on last week’s MRI. Hopefully, some different treatment might help a bit. Here’s to many more good parts for both of you! Thanks for sharing.

  3. The show is amazing, especially where you are involved. You are one of a kind dearest Chad…Continue to broaden my thinking, to expand my horizons and to shake things up. Give us all something to think about, and to look at the show in an entirely different light. You give me the energy for life. My love to you always.

  4. This blog hit the nail on the head! It’s oh so true. We wake up and we are given a glorious day to enjoy from beginning to end and that’s what we should do. Some parts are great some parts not so great but on the whole it’s a wonderful glorious day and only lasts for 24 hours and then it’s gone. So we should definitely enjoy the show!

  5. Hi Chad!!! How are you doing? It’s been two months and i think it’s about time for you to say something, you wonderful brain!!!! Hugs!!!

  6. Hi Chad, just a kind note from a fellow Cancerful brain.
    Was thinking of you, sending you lots of positive vibes,
    hoping you are in good spirits.

  7. Chad,

    Look into getting in a clinical trial for the Inovio & Regeneron that was announced today. The trial uses a PD-1 checkpoint inhibitor, and immune activators that target tumor specific markers…in this case PSMA…and I truly believe this cocktail of drugs is probably one of the most promising class of drugs to hit cancer. And this one is specifically for GBM, and my immediate thought was you because I really enjoy reading your blog…and your strong, yet amusing perspective on life! Even if you don’t qualify for the trial, please ask for its compassionate use. I’m rooting for you! Take care.


  8. Chad,
    Your name came up in conversation today. I hope this short message finds you in a good place. Please know that there are many people sending good thoughts, energy and prayers your way.


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