So I think I’m sick. But I’m kind of digging it. Which, if you’ve seen me squeezing all sorts of fun out of having cancer, may not surprise you. But this time, it’s a little different.
Allow me explain…
The last couple of days, I’ve had a few new things going on (in addition to the litany of old things going on, [where by “things” I mean symptoms and side effects and, well, just general sick-ness.])
For example: yesterday, I was tired. All day. Like, weirdly tired. But I’m weirdly tired all the time, so for me “weirdly tired” means really weird. Like, supernaturally tired. The kind of tired that you’d imagine only comes once a millenium, and requires A Thousand Years’ Sleep to cure.
So last night, I did all I could think to do with one night (not yet being sure I’ll have the luxury of 364,999 more), and I made sure to get a Big Damn Solid Dose of Good Night’s Sleep (a B.D.S.D.O.G.N.S.). Which worked quite well (I clearly needed it, and the lovely new curtains my mom helped me put up worked like a charm in the morning).
But today… same thing! Super tired. Hmmm. What the devil! And no new meds, nothing unusual going on in the brain lately that would explain this Sudden Swing to the Super Slumberous. Why the hell was / am I so pooped?
Speaking of poop (it’s relevant, so I’m going to), I think yesterday I made seven trips to the toilet. Actually I don’t think, I know. I counted. Seven sit downs! And another four just this morning– which would have actually been five if I had actually made it to the toilet in time for #2 #5. (I didn’t. Make it in time. More on this later. Consider yourself warned.)
So anyway, all this new shit was odd. Both the sleepiness, and the shittiness. I hadn’t eaten anything odd either. So what the hell is/was going on?
Then this afternoon, it occurred to me…
Maybe I’m just SICK!
On top of everything else, maybe I’ve also got a Regular Person Illness (R.P.I.)… like some kind of flu, or maybe even a run-of-the-mill-non-genetically-engineered virus! These things seem to be going around at the moment, and a bunch of people I know (including my doctor) have been laid low recently. So maybe I’m sick!
And for some reason, this thought made me happy. Which did seem vaguely twisted, even to me. So I’ve been thinking about that, and here’s what I realized.
A few things, actually…
– It’s kinda nice, just as a change of pace, to have something wrong with me that has absolutely nothing to do with brain cancer. I mean, it sucks — it still feels like being sick — but it’s not any worse than what I am already dealing with (which I’m learning to deal with a bit better, and more patiently, on a daily basis).
Plus– and this is the important part…
– With this kind of sickness– this kind of Old Fashioned People Gettin’ Sick sickness– all you have to do is get some rest, take it easy, and it’ll just… go away.
Holy shit. It’ll just go away!?!?!
What a fuckin’ luxury!
No brain surgeries? No experimental drugs injected into your skull… no weeks and months and (if you’re lucky) years of heavy dose chemotherapy… no direct-brain radiation, no support groups, not even so much as one trip to the emergency room!
Just chicken soup and sleep and passing time with books and movies and it’ll just… go away!?!
So I guess that’s why I like being this kind of sick. I wish they were all like this!
The only real negative effects of this particular R.P.I. (so far at least) have been:
a) a totally sleepy wasted day yesterday, and
b) the aforementioned #2 #5 that wound up in my pants instead of where I would have preferred it to wind up (or down, as it were).
But even that little mishap lead me to take that really nice long shower I’d been putting off for a couple of days. (Look, when you’re as tired as I’ve been, even the thought of getting wet is exhausting, because it means having to get dry again. So don’t judge). And it was a really nice shower. I washed my (lack of) hair and everything. It felt great. I should do that every day! (Shower, not shit my pants. And actually, we’re in a drought, so maybe I can still only shower every other day 😉 )
Anyway, where was I… oh yeah, so even this Unexpected Shitting of The Pants lead to an unexpectedly nice outcome. Maybe I really do like being sick!
I mean, I don’t want to be sick forever or anything, but therein lies the beauty… I think if I just wait it out, this particular bug is just gonna fly the coop!
I might even miss it.
Well not really, but we did have some good times together.
I’m gonna go eat some soup and wait it out.
PS: If you suspect I am either forcing cheerfulness or just pathologically required to find positives in negatives, you and I are in perfect agreement. I don’t know what’s up with that either. And I offer my sincerest apologies to anyone who feels like shit right now because of the flu, or cancer, or having shat your pants, or whatever might ail you.
I’m not pretending it doesn’t suck to be sick, because it does.
But if it can go away (even if just for a moment), well now that’s something worth being cheerful about, isn’t it?